All Quiet on the Western Front

We made it back from Vegas safely, but extremely exhausted. I have a theory that the road from LA to Vegas is a straight line and the road back was designed by a 3 year old art student. It took 7 hours to do a 4 hour trip, and that's not frustrating at all. Being in Vegas really puts things into perspective. It feels like the whole city looked in the mirror in 1985 and said, "OK, this is it. This is our look. FOREVER."

Since I really only have 3 days of downtime before I leave the country, getting a date in could prove to be difficult. Tall may want to see me, but Tall is a lot of work. He's a night guy, and I have a lot of day time stuff I need to do before I leave. We'll play it by beer.

I am corresponding with a gentleman via the dating site. (I know, it's been awhile.) Introducing The Saint. He is from California but went to high school in Paris. He likes to use big words, which I dig, and thus far he finds me to be delightful. I hope he doesn't run into Logger before I get back. Don't want my smoke and mirrors to be revealed too soon.

Beer and Moaning in Las Vegas

I was not going to blog whilst in Las Vegas, but I lied. Amy, Ash, and I arrived last night, via SUV, around midnight. Quick costume change and then downstairs to the lounge. We were immediately spotted by Curtis (sporting a flavor savor, of course), and he bought us a round of drinks. About an hour later, Curtis was falling down drunk, and I was able to diplomatically get him to go pass out, but not before he hugged Ash so hard I thought she would pop a blood vessel. A few champagne cocktails later, 2 of us went to bed.

Cut to 10am. Where's Ash? Oh, she probably met someone. Yup, she met someone all right. Amy and I moseyed on down to the casino and Ash was still up, playing blackjack, with an extra $2,000 in her pocket. But my favorite part of this reunion was meeting her companion, Red. Red had cornrows and summer teeth. Some were there, and some were not. He was a novice at subject/verb agreement and he loved our little Ash. And who wouldn't? Everyone loves a winner.

Amy and I then decided to go to the topless pool. Just for the experience you guys. No funny business. The topless pool is disgusting. Not because the only topless women are the last people you want to see topless (and one playmate with a hot pink thong and everything, via 1987), but because we saw 2 floating hairs in the pool within 15 seconds.

And then we met Crissy. Crissy is a 23 year old Canadian. She was wearing an 80's inspired bikini, unbeknownst to her, and Amy called her over to compliment her. Crissy had not been on a plane since 6th grade and freaked out that we were from Los Angeles. When she found out that we were originally from Texas and Louisiana, she flipped out even more. We didn't dare tell her we were comics, fearing her head may implode.

After melting and witnessing 8 pairs of stark white breasts later, we decided to take a margarita up to the room and watch ghost documentaries. So we're having a blast.

Vegas Baby

Tonight, I leave for Vegas with my lady friends. I detest Vegas, but I love my girls, so sacrifices must be made. Since I've seen the type of men that go to Vegas (Present company excluded, of course.), I don't think there will be any news worthy blogging. But one never knows.

Logger has disappeared, which is for the best. I had a lovely time with him, but we were not meant to be. Tall and I had a short text exchange yesterday about inside jokes. Very cute, but I'm exhausted.

My globe trotting begins on the 11th, and I have a lot to do until then. I need a rest from dating, stand-up, and boring summer TV. Although, it would be nice to get date 10 in before I leave. Regulars, can you believe we're almost a third through this project? All I want for Christmas is my 30th date.

Date 9

******ATTENTION******

REGULARS! IF YOU SEE ME OUT WITH A MALE COMPANION, PLEASE DO NOT MENTION HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE BLOG. IF MY EYES BUG OUT AFTER YOU COMPLIMENT ME, PLEASE STOP TALKING AND CHANGE SUBJECT ASAP.

Tall picked me up and we drove to a quaint part of town to have sushi. He had ordered some absinthe via the Internet, and it had arrived, so we took a shot before we ate. (Strip clubs and absinthe - Tall is a fun guy any way you slice it.)

We then took a cab to to the Greek Theater and remarkably showed up just as the show started. We made our way down to the pit, saw some friends of mine, and swayed to the music.

When the show ended, we talked to my friends, whom I had not seen in quite some time. OK, yes I was flattered that they like the blog, but this is where the PSA from above comes into play. Tall now knows I do a blog, but doesn't know what it's about. I keep changing the subject, and it has worked thus far.

I like Tall, but I have to be honest with myself and you guys. Tall and I live opposite schedules, which can work over the summer. Once school starts, I will be in bed by 11, at the latest, and up by 7. Everyday. Period. Those are the facts. I've dated his kind before, and it always ends when school starts. Not even love can beat a good night's sleep.

Date 8

Well folks, I'm pretty sure it's the beginning of the end with Logger. It may also be the end of the end, but every time I think that's the case, the phone rings. Nonetheless, it seems this train is heading to Splitsville.

Logger is always a gentleman and picked me up for our movie date. We saw Horrible Bosses. My assessment? Eh. Too many butt jokes and men trying to talk louder than their costars in order to steal the scene, but entertaining-ish. And can someone please tell me where this fountain of youth is, from which Jen Aniston is obviously drinking? Jeesh, the body on that woman.

Anywho, watched movie, drove me home, weird peck (on the lips) to say goodbye, and then I get out of the car and my southern gent didn't wait to see if I got in OK. Just drove off.

Here's the deal: I don't care if you're a woman, man, or child, one should always wait to make sure that their friend gets into the house safely at night. It's common courtesy. I don't want to get all feminist on anyone, but I must say that I feel this is a bit more of an issue for women, as we lack the upper body strength. AND, it was a change in behavior as he's always made sure I got in OK in the past. So there's that.

What's a girl to do? Well, I'll tell you what I did. I walked by myself, in the dark, to a local pub down the street to meet my friends. Because if I can escape nighttime walkers in front of my house with my roommates home, surely I'm on a roll.

Tonight is Date #9 with Tall. We're going to a concert. I'm betting on a good time, but I'm pretty sure he's not my husband either. This trip abroad could not come at a more perfect time because I think it's time to CONTROL+ALT+DELETE this social experiment. I have some ideas how to switch it up so it's about to get INSANE. Well, in September.

Today's Schedule

Thankfully, I took a night off from dating last night, which I used to read a Shape magazine, peruse fashion blogs, and watch the season finale of The Bachelorette. (On a side note, Ashley's sister is a PIECE OF WORK.)

Tonight, Logger and I will go to the movies. I am thankful for this, as, according to my studies, dating requires large volumes of consumption. I'm sick of consuming. Especially since I will be living in a bikini in about 10 days.

Oh, this reminds me. I have some bad news for my regulars. I'll be leaving the country for a good portion of August, and the blog will be sporadic, I'm sure. I'm sorry, what's that? You want to know where I'm going? I don't want you to be jealous, but since you're insisting...

In this order:

1) Cabo

2) Munich

3) Salzburg

4) Paris (yes!)

5) Amsterdam

I know, I know. It seems so unfair, but one time I dated a guy who knocked-up his ex while we were still seeing each other, so these things happen. GET OVER IT.

Date 7

You should go get a cup of coffee, or a snack of some sort, as I have a tale to tell.

Tall and I had our first fight before he got to my house because I told him that he didn't have to do the right thing and come to the door. I just wanted him to text me because I didn't want to put him through the meeting of the 2 gay roommates, the crazy dogs yapping, an explanation for the messy living room, blah, blah, blah... It's just too much. He, of course, wanted to do the right thing, and we had a fake first fight about it. ADORABLE!

We then drove to a local Mexican eatery and this is when it got OOC (out of control). Our amazing bartender just broke up with her girlfriend of 8 years. She was giving us free tequila and enjoying a few of her own. And then, oh I don't know, did we drive her and her friend in Tall's MINI VAN (yeah, that's right), to a strip club where we saw MISCHA BARTON (what?), and eventually stand in a corner looking at pictures of a stripper's kid on her phone? Yes we did, ladies and gentlemen.

So here we go. Tall obviously rocks. He's smart, funny, quirky... Oh the adjectives I could use. But Logger rocks too, but in a different way. Ugh. This is so hard, you guys. I'm in like with 2 men at the same time. So this is how the Bachelorette feels.