Thursday, June 30, 2011

Kill Me Now

I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty popular on this dating website. Don't be jealous as most of my suitors are men. Not a George Clooney type of man. More like a, "Hey Dad, will you help me balance my checkbook and fix my computer" type of man. I answer almost everyone's messages (except the child), and this has proven to be a bad thing. The latest back and forth makes me want to gouge my eyes out and get my tubes tied. Word for word:

Him: you looking for Mr Right or Mr Right NOW?
Me: Neither really. just trying to fill some time. You?
Him: I'm looking for someone with an oral fixation like myself. Someone who loves receiving and giving as much as I love giving and receiving. That you?
Me: I don't think so.
Him: k fine thx bi

And then he was gone forever.

Just perusing...

As I start my Internet dating journey, I immediately get depressed. I don't know why I thought there would be pages of attractive and intelligent men that I could pick and choose from. There aren't. What I have discovered is that the bi-level haircut is not yet extinct and at least 4 men in my age range find it not only acceptable, but necessary, to post multiple pics of themselves in Ren Faire garb. Ahh, a grown man in 2011 donning a sword and swashbuckler boots... Where did I hide the key to my chastity belt, dammit? But so far, my favorite is the boy that asked me out that is 16 years my junior. I really was going to say yes to everyone, but I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if this kid is old enough to eat solid foods.

The Rules

A good friend of mine insists that I tell great stories. She especially loves my opinions on men and dating. She has been begging me to start a blog about dating, so after a year of nagging, I have decided that this is as good a time as any. Here are the rules:

1. I realize that this is not a new concept. It is, however, my social experiment for me and those that are interested. Although the blog is called 30 Dates 30 Blogs, I will probably post more blogs as I feel I already have material and I just got started.

2. I'm assuming that most of my dates will come from the Internet as I just signed up for a dating website (sigh). However, if I acquire a date the old fashioned way, that will also count.

3. I will not date married or taken men.

4. Since I have to go on 30 dates, I will most likely say yes to men that I would never say yes to. This will cause great agony for me, but should be golden for the blog.

5. I can go on multiple dates with the same guy and it will count as multiple dates. (In other words, 1 guy - 3 dates is still 3 dates.)

6. If I fall in love, which is not the goal here but one never knows, then this site will turn into a wedding blog.

7. I don't like making fun of people for their looks, so when I describe a man's physical features, it will be clear and direct. No opinions.

8. I reserve the right to amend any and all rules at any time.

Let the dating begin!