The birthday weekend was a smashing success. Amy and Ash took me to this adorable speakeasy called Next Door Lounge for dinner and drinks. It's fabulous and I highly recommend it to LA people looking for something different.
After the crowd turned a bit too night-timey for us, we moved it to one of my favorite watering holes where I was greeted by more friends. Drinks all around, a happy birthday tune with a candle, a quick jaunt to my dentist's home for video game dancing, and a cab home for good measure. TOTALLY normal birthday for a gal in her 30s.
Because I was busy with my day-of-birth ritual, I did not keep up with my suitors on the site. At my old site, this was social suicide. At the new site, one will be berated and begged for attention. There were a slew of messages along the lines of, "What have I done wrong?" "Have you forgotten about me?" "I promise I'm a good guy, just let me take you out!" FRIGHTENING.
There's only one thing I want a man to beg for, and it's not appropriate to write here for the world to see.
There is one man that seems decent. We'll call him Earnest. His name actually is Earnest, but it's such a fabulous name that I have to use it as his alias too. Earnest understands subject/verb agreement, has a real job, no pics with motorcycles in them, and he is familiar with Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest. (Obviously he has an unfair advantage, as his name is Earnest, BUT STILL.)
At the moment, he and I are just corresponding. As a lady, I feel I should wait for him to ask me out. I mean, his name is Earnest for Christ's sake. Gotta kick it old school.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Happy Birthday Me
First, I'd like to address the fact that it is my birthday weekend. Since it falls on a Sunday, the girls are taking me out to dinner tonight. Then we're going to cat around town with a larger crowd and see where the evening takes us. I hope I meet a decent fellow that I can go on a few dates with because the new site is HORRENDOUS.
If I were given only one adjective to describe this site, it would be ugh. Here is a short list of what's going on over there:
1) Nine tenths of my suitors use your/you're incorrectly, so that's fun for me.
2) I am flattered that older men find me to be attractive, but I have a dad who has been there for me my whole life, so I don't need them. Being daddy-issue-free really limits your choices in this pond.
3) One suitor's subject line: You should be a model!!!
4) Gotta love messages like this:
I think men were put here to please women our purpose is to protect provided and obey women I would love to serve you. If you have never had a man put your wishes wants hopes and demands first please allow me to show you how you should be treated i love to meet you
If I were given only one adjective to describe this site, it would be ugh. Here is a short list of what's going on over there:
1) Nine tenths of my suitors use your/you're incorrectly, so that's fun for me.
2) I am flattered that older men find me to be attractive, but I have a dad who has been there for me my whole life, so I don't need them. Being daddy-issue-free really limits your choices in this pond.
3) One suitor's subject line: You should be a model!!!
4) Gotta love messages like this:
(Let's not even discuss the grammar.)
5) For whatever reason, the guys are SUPER aggressive on this site. It actually kind of scares me.
Luckily, I have combed out a couple of men who can complete a sentence correctly. At this rate, it doesn't matter if I'm attracted to them. If they can conjugate verbs, they're in.
I'm leaving the "pay for a date" site. I read into it a little more, and they say to ask for 1/2 of the money up front and the other 1/2 at the end of the date. This is absurd. Call me old fashioned, but I'm going to date guys the way one should. Dreading it for hours on end, drinking a beverage you don't want to be drinking, with a man you don't want to be drinking with, and walking away empty handed and soulless.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Interesting
Some guy just offered me $100 to go on a date with him. What in the hell is this $60 beefcake thinking? I'm done with him. It's $100 or bust Regulars!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Forgotten Moments
I had forgotten how awful Internet dating was. And this new site IS THE WORST. Hooking up with exes is like staying at the Four Seasons compared to the Motel 6 crap I'm putting up with right now. Seriously, not even a Red Lion. This is straight up unacceptable. Have I already tentatively booked 2 dates with extremely unacceptable men? Yes. And it's killing me.
But my favorite story to tell is about this other site that I have joined. It was suggested to me by a friend. Apparently, these guys have to prove that they are invested in you and pay you to go on a date with them. Is it an escort service? Apparently no, because I'm not touching him for $60. Yup. He offered me $60. And I get a free dinner out of it. Or a drink. I don't know, but I have found out a way to make money at this gig, and that's a silver lining. Unfortunately, he's a beefcake. Muscles, shaved body, bandana tied around his head, etc. Oh, and did I mention that he's paying me to date him? Wait. This doesn't feel right. Let me rethink.
But my favorite story to tell is about this other site that I have joined. It was suggested to me by a friend. Apparently, these guys have to prove that they are invested in you and pay you to go on a date with them. Is it an escort service? Apparently no, because I'm not touching him for $60. Yup. He offered me $60. And I get a free dinner out of it. Or a drink. I don't know, but I have found out a way to make money at this gig, and that's a silver lining. Unfortunately, he's a beefcake. Muscles, shaved body, bandana tied around his head, etc. Oh, and did I mention that he's paying me to date him? Wait. This doesn't feel right. Let me rethink.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Transferring Schools
I quit the original dating site I joined when this experiment first began. I was looking pathetic. Like those girls that don't go to college and keep hanging out with HS kids pathetic. It was time to leave...
And be the HOT NEW GIRL ON THE BLOCK on another disappointing site. This site is where the misfits hang. It's pretty gross. But I need to shake it up, as the Regulars know, so let's see what happens. Although I think I know what happens.
As I write this post, my computer keeps bleeping so unsubstantial men can chat with me. I'm telling ya, it's always the new girl. This is why switching high schools mid-year is such a great idea. It fixes your self-confidence. Woohoo!
I've already communicated with 3 Asians, a Middle Eastern, and 2 men above 40. I think I'm going to like it here.
And be the HOT NEW GIRL ON THE BLOCK on another disappointing site. This site is where the misfits hang. It's pretty gross. But I need to shake it up, as the Regulars know, so let's see what happens. Although I think I know what happens.
As I write this post, my computer keeps bleeping so unsubstantial men can chat with me. I'm telling ya, it's always the new girl. This is why switching high schools mid-year is such a great idea. It fixes your self-confidence. Woohoo!
I've already communicated with 3 Asians, a Middle Eastern, and 2 men above 40. I think I'm going to like it here.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Date 19
I had to wake up to go to iPad training at school, so Texas Ex drove me there so he could explore. He picked me up a few hours later, and we went to sushi for a late lunch.
Afternoon sake never hurt anyone going through an extreme dating weekend, so Texas Ex and I indulged. We had an intense conversation about ghosts of relationships past. He told me a few stories about exes that make me think bitches be crazy. I told him a few that made him think I have awful taste in men.
To end the evening, and our visit, we watched some of those awful shows that feature some poor, unsuspecting girl being abducted, raped, and probably murdered, but they never found the body. You know, the uplifting stuff. I don't know why we like it, but we do.
The next day, I went to work, and Texas Ex caught a ride to the airport with one of my roomies. The weekend was over. Done. The end.
What did I learn from all of this, you ask? First, I learned that Texas Ex and I will always think fondly of one another. Secondly, I have realized that I cannot live with a man in such close quarters. I'm too used to being alone. They said it would happen to me, but I didn't believe them. They were right.
Dear future husband,
If you actually exist, I hope it's cool that we either live in a duplex or a house with wings. I love you, but in order to keep that love alive, I need my space. I also need dry bathroom floors, a somewhat clear coffee table, and as little talking as possible during important parts of television shows.
Regards,
Yours
Afternoon sake never hurt anyone going through an extreme dating weekend, so Texas Ex and I indulged. We had an intense conversation about ghosts of relationships past. He told me a few stories about exes that make me think bitches be crazy. I told him a few that made him think I have awful taste in men.
To end the evening, and our visit, we watched some of those awful shows that feature some poor, unsuspecting girl being abducted, raped, and probably murdered, but they never found the body. You know, the uplifting stuff. I don't know why we like it, but we do.
The next day, I went to work, and Texas Ex caught a ride to the airport with one of my roomies. The weekend was over. Done. The end.
What did I learn from all of this, you ask? First, I learned that Texas Ex and I will always think fondly of one another. Secondly, I have realized that I cannot live with a man in such close quarters. I'm too used to being alone. They said it would happen to me, but I didn't believe them. They were right.
Dear future husband,
If you actually exist, I hope it's cool that we either live in a duplex or a house with wings. I love you, but in order to keep that love alive, I need my space. I also need dry bathroom floors, a somewhat clear coffee table, and as little talking as possible during important parts of television shows.
Regards,
Yours
Date 18
As I was never alone, I have to recall the past couple of dates from memory. It may be sketchy, but here's the Reader's Digest version.
Texas Ex and I woke up late, as we both had tummy aches for a good portion of the night/morning. After we pulled ourselves together, we did what anyone would do after a rough evening due to rich food. We went to brunch and drank Bloody Marys. It was good.
We attended a friend's pumping carving contest early in the evening where, ironically, no pumpkins were carved. Instead, everyone gathered around the television to watch a mini American Horror Story marathon. If you are not watching this show, GET TO IT. I know, I know. I detest scary stuff too, but it's not scary as much as it's suspenseful. Figuring out who in the hell is a ghost will keep you busy for a while.
We ate chili, drank Prosecco, laughed with the gang, and then went home. There were a bevy of gays in costume at my house when we arrived. My roomie was dressed in drag. Just another Sunday in these parts.
Texas Ex and I woke up late, as we both had tummy aches for a good portion of the night/morning. After we pulled ourselves together, we did what anyone would do after a rough evening due to rich food. We went to brunch and drank Bloody Marys. It was good.
We attended a friend's pumping carving contest early in the evening where, ironically, no pumpkins were carved. Instead, everyone gathered around the television to watch a mini American Horror Story marathon. If you are not watching this show, GET TO IT. I know, I know. I detest scary stuff too, but it's not scary as much as it's suspenseful. Figuring out who in the hell is a ghost will keep you busy for a while.
We ate chili, drank Prosecco, laughed with the gang, and then went home. There were a bevy of gays in costume at my house when we arrived. My roomie was dressed in drag. Just another Sunday in these parts.
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