BREAKING NEWS

This blog is about to go all CNN on you. This is big news. HUGE. It will most likely turn the Internet dating world on its ear.

I recently received an email from the machine that hooks me up with guys on the Internet, and it said, "We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people," and because of that they've "adjusted" my "experience" so now "You'll see more attractive people in your match results."

Obviously, I'm flattered (and also thinking that the competition isn't that fierce), but what in the hell are these people getting at? They're actually rationing the beautiful people? What? Beautiful people and not-so-beautiful-people can't fall in love? Have you ever heard of Paulina Porizkova and Rick Ocasek?

This is appalling and the people should know. As soon as gays have equal rights, this is my next cause!